Help me out of here!

Staring at the wall can be very funny.


really. Five minutes ago I quit it because I laughed too much about myself.....funny right?

I definitely need someone to help me out of this fog. Where am I anyway? Can't just someone paint an halo of the sun at a wall? I would do everything else by myself.


It's depressing.My only frieds in here are my memories, wich are coming back to me slowly.


I was a fuckin' bastard.

And I will never get a chance to make it good somehow.


Live with it, Walter!

1 Kommentar 22.6.09 19:57, kommentieren


After my nighmare 2

My nights are getting longer. The empty room, breathless, without any sound.

My own hell but it's okay somehow. Feels like home.


I just wished, that I could say about myself that I once lived. I mean really lived...I was alive but I didn't live. 

Hopefully, the one that survived my treatments finds back to life.

 Now it's too late to apologize what I've done.

 ...but, i've lost the shadow beside me. I am able to realize what i've done and I do.

I am sorry....

2 Kommentare 21.6.09 01:50, kommentieren

After my nighmare 1

It’s the first time since I was a boy, that I  feel like talking...but there is no one left I can talk to. I just wanted to be a good son and a good believer, but I failed....well, maybe it's better that way.

What did I do? I’m asking myself this question for a whole week now. A week... is it already a week now? Damn! Unbelievable...


My head is empty. I’m not feeling anything I could describe here. Am I dead? I must be, because I’m lost and nobody is here. When I was alive -even on the streets, where I’ve been on my own- I was never alone. All around me were people I didn’t know.

In the last years there has been a shadow beside my all the time. I wonder if this was a dream. I can’t remember all I did and went through. I even can’t remember the name of the man, that I was hunting. Who was he? Why did I do this? Why him, and what’s more important... why me? What did I do wrong when I was younger?


This is bullshit. I know I shouldn't use this hard lanquage, but well, it is bullshit!

I just wanted to see her once in my life... is it wrong für a boy to miss the feeling of love? Is it wrong to miss the lullabys of a mother?

What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I fell so childish even right now, when I write about it?

I remember a young woman. Eileen, yes, I remember... what did I do to her? Maybe it’s time for me now to think about the things that happened once again.

I’m pretty sure, I didn’t get it till now.... I have to think about it....I have to...outch, my head is feeling like it’s close to explode.


I need to rest.

3 Kommentare 20.6.09 23:27, kommentieren